How to Find and Make True Friends and Lasting Friendships

Friendship Is Unconditional Love

Friendship is a form of unconditional love. Learn how to make true friends and lasting friendships.

When we think of unconditional love, or true love, we tend to think in terms of romance or parenting. But true friendship also requires true love in order to flourish. Unconditional love is love given without condition, without restriction, and without the expectation of anything in return. Wouldn't you like to find friends who love and accept you no matter what?

Granted, true love is not that common. True love, or unconditional love, is freedom. Freedom to be who you are, whether you are the one loving or the loved one. In relationships built on unconditional love, the parties are free to be themselves. Whether at their best or much less than their best, people in an unconditionally loving relationship know they are loved.

True Friendship
Freedom is also a critical component of true friendship. A true friend overlooks episodes of poor judgment or behavior in favor of the perspective of the entire person.

Best selling author Anne Perry, in her World War I novel No Graves as Yet, captures this aspect of friendship in the words of her main character, Joseph. Reflecting on friendship with his deceased student, Joseph says, "I saw him as I wanted him to be, and I loved him for that. If I were less selfish, I would have loved him for what he was. Perhaps you can destroy people by refusing to see their reality, offering love only on your own terms, which is that they be what you need them to be--for yourself, not for them."

Offering love only on terms may not destroy an individual, but it can certainly destroy a relationship.

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Lasting Friendships
In a blog of January 28, 2006, Dave Winer wrote, "I learned that a friend is someone I trust to be with me when I am at my weakest and most vulnerable. And they are people who, no matter how painful it is to see, are willing to be with me when I am so helpless and weak."

How to Find Friends, True Friends
A true friend will be with you in good times and bad, when you are at your best and when you've behaved badly. True friends care about you no matter what you do. Obviously, true friendship is something everyone would like to have around them.

Find a True Friend
How do you find a true friend? Model, in your own behaviors, the characteristics of true friendship that you seek. In doing so, you may find your current friendships gradually falling away. As you model true friendship, unconditional love, and acceptance of others, people who do not share these beliefs and behaviors will become uncomfortable and will drift away. This temporary loss, though disturbing, is necessary to make room in your life for the true friends that you want.

For more on attracting the life (including friends) that you want, see New Powerful Goal Setting Process

If you found Friendship Is Unconditional Love valuable, you might like 7 Steps to Good Relationships



The copyright of the article Friendship Is Unconditional Love in Improving Relationships is owned by Jerry Lopper. Permission to republish Friendship Is Unconditional Love in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.

real friendship don't broken. it is forever
Romantic love is a relative term, that distinguishes moments and situations within interpersonal relationships. There is often, initially, more emphasis on the emotions (especially those of love, intimacy, compassion, appreciation, and general "liking") rather than physical pleasure. But, romantic love, in the abstract sense of the term, is traditionally referred to as involving a mix of emotional and sexual desire for another as a person. However, Lisa Diamond, a University of Utah psychology professor, proposes that sexual desire and romantic love are functionally independent[6] and also, as an additional claim to the topic, that romantic love is not intrinsically oriented to same-gender or other-gender partners; and that the links between love and desire are bidirectional as opposed to unilateral. Furthermore, Diamond does not state that one's sex has priority over another sex in romantic love, because as already mentioned Diamond's theory seems to purport the idea that it is possible for someone who is heterosexual to fall in love with someone of the same gender, and for someone who is homosexual to fall in love with someone of a different gender.[7]